Characters: Moe, the owner and Flo the waitress and SMO pro

Scene: Flo, who has been on medical leave for the last two months, finally returns to her work at the diner. Moe is impatient to take up where they left off discussing his website. He asks her to take a short break and talk to him while he munches his fifth jelly-filled iced donut of the day.

Flo (wiping donut crumbs off the counter): “Moe, do you Twitter?”

Moe (looking sheepish): “Only when I’ve eaten too many beans…and I usually try to at least turn away from you gals first.”

Flo (giving him an exasperated look and shaking her head): “Not that, you fool! Twitter, as in the social networking/micro blogging site.”

Moe (perplexed): “The who de who de what?”

Flo “Social networking, Moe. It’s a website where you can sign up as a member and post little tiny snippets of text. You only have 140 characters so you have to be short and sweet. Anyone who is following your tweets can read them as you post them.”

Flo (shakes his head and takes another bite of donut): “You lost me. What’s that supposed to do for my website, anywho?”

Flo (dabbing at bit of jelly stuck in the corner of Moe’s mouth with her rag): “It gets the words out about you and what you do. The idea is to get a lot of followers, then post an interesting title, something that will catch their attention. You include a link to your content, usually a blog post. The hope is that your followers will be interested enough to click on the link. This does two things for you. Number one it drives traffic to your site. Number two, it creates another inbound link to your site.”

Moe (nodding): “I remember you saying something about traffic and links before.”

Flo (waving to a customer who’s come in the front door of the diner): “There’s not only Twitter, but MySpace, Facebook, FriendFeed – tons of ‘em. Get signed up for as many as you can and I’ll help you write the first posts. But then you gotta keep up on ‘em. Deal?” Flo stretches her hand across the counter to Moe.

Moe (taking her hand and kissing it instead of shaking it): “Deal! Now get back to work, Sweet Cheeks.”

Flo (walking away and muttering under her breath): “I don’t know why I put up with that man, honestly I don’t!”

Flo (sitting at a table surrounded by her colleagues with an excited expression on her face): “I’ve got a real treat for the both of youse today. Suz here is going to talk to us about marketing and advertising your internet presence.”

(speaking to Suz): “As you might recall, Suz, Moe here is just getting started with a website and Veronica is maintaining a crafting site. Both of them are interested in increasing traffic through providing a value proposition to their target market”

(turning to Veronica): “That almost sounded like I know what I’m talking about, hnh?”

Suz (passing out packets of material and winking at Flo, her partner in SMO): “Can I make money online? I am asked this question almost daily. The answer is simply, yes, if you understand the difference between revenue generating and marketing. Most small business owners confuse the concept of advertising, marketing and sales. Not all are meant to generate an income.

You can have 1000 top Search Engine Results Positions and never make a sale. You can run a $1000 a week advertising campaign in the local newspaper, with no results. This doesn’t mean that the program didn’t work. It may have worked exactly like it was meant to.”

Moe (with a perplexed look on his face as he scratches his bald head beneath his cap): “Huh?”

Flo (poking his doughy middle with his sharp elbow): “Hush now, Moe, and just listen!”

Suz (rolling her eyes and continuing): “Let’s talk about some marketing examples.

For example, I optimize and run Search Engine Marketing (SEM) and Search Engine Optimization (SEO) campaigns for 10 different clients. I have one client who runs marketing campaigns. I consistently win 1 – 5 new top Search Engine Position Results (SERPs) for my clients each month. Even though I can successfully get clients to the top of the search engines, they complain because they are not selling.

Asking a marketer to take responsibility for sales is not logical. The same applies to advertising campaigns. Take a look at a company I work with http://www.adaidm.com. They have a website made to ‘sell.’ Their customer service is easy to access. Their message is clear. And, this company is very successful.

ADA intelligent Dental Marketing, http://www.adaidm.com helps local dental offices market their services. However, they are not responsible for the sales.”

Veronica (raises her hand and hops about spasmodically in her seat).

Flo: “Veronica, do you need to go the bathroom?”

Suz: “Yes, Veronica?”

Veronica (frowning at Flo): “I have a question, Suz. Why market if it’s not going to bring in more sales?”

Suz: “The answer is simple. Without marketing you will not have the exposure needed to sustain business growth and improve profits. Marketing builds an image – a brand – for your business that people recognize. Good marketing creates exposure in the same places where your customers surf the net.

Marketing also helps companies identify their potential clients, untapped markets.”

Mel (placing a hand over his big, grumbling, belly and snagging a donut from the tray on the table): “I’m more interested in advertising, Suz. What can you tell me about that? What can I get from the world wide web that I can’t get from putting an ad in the paper?”

Suz: “Let’s talk about the point of advertising. Advertising puts your message in-front of buyers. If it is the right message then the company’s sales will increase. However, the product must be in demand. No one buys SEO, or logos, or web design. All the companies that sell offer something else to their clients – they add value.

The biggest advertising mistake is to promote a product or service. Do not sell yourself or your product. Instead, sell something that the client cannot get elsewhere.

The ad should never ask for a sale. Instead, it should hook the buyer and convince them to keep reading.”

Flo (wiping a bit of powdered sugar off Moe’s chin with her apron): “See, Moe, I told you! You hafta provide a value proposition to the customer.”

Suz (nodding): “Not how can you generate revenue? Making money is a completely new ball game. One of the first ways to separate people from their money is to avoid asking for money. Let them use credit. Many people are more comfortable increasing their debt than they are decreasing their net-worth.

Asking for the money requires a delicate balance of several factors which may have nothing to do with the product or service being sold:
•    Buyer remorse
•    Value
•    Communication styles
•    Behavioral motivation
•    Personality types
•    Market saturation
•    Intrusion value
•    Perceived value
•    Social significance of the product
•    Problem solving benefits
•    Its ability to open up opportunities
•    Emotional/impulse value

When we build revenue generating landing pages for clients we often touch on the emotions of the consumer, and the fundamental needs of the website owner. Consider the following:
http://waystogetnoticed.com/page2b.html
http://www.win247.co.uk/casino/Best-Online-Casino-Gambling.html

These two pages do not focus on the product, but on the benefits. The first landing page uses education give potential buyers a reason to keep clicking links. The second one offers solutions for potential advertisers, highlighting potential problems and reminding potential customers why they need to buy. Notice, that neither page asks for the sale.

Asking for the sale is a common ‘real world’ tactic, but it doesn’t work well on the net. It is impossible to refute excuses not to buy, so eCommerce businesses need to develop new strategies.”

Moe: “Wow, that was a lot of information, Suz. I don’t know where to begin now.”

Flo: “Don’t worry, Moe. I’ll help you out. After all, that’s what I’m here for.” (she sighs) “Suz, any last words for us before you get on back home?”

Suz: “I’ll leave you with one last thought. Once an eCommerce business owner, freelance professional, or small business entrepreneur understands the purpose of Marketing, Advertising, and Sales, then they are ready to make money.”

Characters: Moe, the owner and Flo the waitress and SMO pro

Scene: After patiently waiting for a rating from Flo, the SMO pro, on his website, Moe sits down at one of the tables in the diner at the end of the day to discuss her findings.

Flo (who has changed out of her pink polyester uniform into street clothes and is showing Moe a printout of his website’s homepage while chewing a big wad of gum): “All right then, Moe. What I see here is nothing more than a home page with a big picture of you and your cheesy grin, the name of the diner, and the address and telephone number.”

Moe (giving Flo a big cheesy grin): “It’s downright purty, ain’t it?”

Flo (slapping the big cheesy grin from Moe’s face with the red-painted fingernails on one hand): “Not hardly! Why would anyone want to visit this website?”

Moe (puffing out his chest and straining the thin, food-stained material of his cheap T-shirt): “Who wouldn’t want to see a big picture of me?”

Flo (cracking her gum and blowing a big bubble while rolling her eyes upward): “Let me put it to you this way, Moe. Who do you want to visit your website? Have you even thought about it?”

As Moe forlornly shakes his head, Flo continues: “Don’t feel too bad. You’ve made the same mistake most people make when they first start a presence on the world wide web. You haven’t thought about what you want to get from it. Now, the way I see it, I reckon you’re looking to bring more customers in to the diner. You want to reach locals and get ‘em in here for breakfast and lunch as well as attracting any folks who might be just moseying through Podunksville and lookin’ for a place to fill up. Is that right?”

Moe nods, but it’s apparent he’s no longer paying attention to Flo’s words. His eyes drift downwards to the ample cleavage displayed by Flo’s tight fuchsia sweater.

Flo (snapping her fingers underneath Moe’s nose): “Moe Taylor! Get yer eyes back up where they belong! Now, then. Let’s think about some things you could add to your website to make people take a look.”

Flo is lost in thought for a moment, twirling the curl of red hair above one ear around her finger. Suddenly, she snaps her fingers again. “How about we change your home page and include some information about Podunksville? Maybe a bit of history about the diner. We can add a page with coupons and specials, one that lists the items on the menu, maybe a forum, some photos and a video, and add a link to a blog!”

Moe (leaning back on two legs of his cheap diner chair): “A blog? What’s that – some monster living in the bog?” Suddenly, the thin aluminum legs of the chair give out and Moe ends up on his ample butt sprawled across the black and white checked linoleum floor.

Flo giggles uncontrollably and Moe sends her a stern look as he heaves his bulk upwards and grabs another chair. “What’s so funny, woman? I coulda been hurt!”

Flo (holding her sides and wiping her eyes with one end of the gauzy scarf tied around her neck): “If you weren’t such a cheapskate, maybe your chairs could handle your, um…er…manly bulk. Anyways, a blog is simply a place where you can post some articles. You could talk about how you got into the diner business, maybe events around town, or new items you want to add to the menu. The key is to make the posts interesting, so that people will read ‘em and keep coming back for more. Plus, a blog gives you a way to build outbound links to other people’s websites, which you get when they comment on your posts.”

Moe (removing his ball cap and scratching his bald head beneath with one beefy finger): “I dunno, Flo. What’s an ‘outbound link’? Anyways, I don’t write so good. How about we just put a picture of you up on there?”

Flo (standing up and gathering her purse and coat to leave the diner and go home): “Kiss my grits! We are not going to put my picture up on there, Moe. Tell you what, though. I’ll write the posts for you and I’ll only charge you half my normal price.”

Moe (pushing back from the table and rising to accompany Flo to the door): “I gotta pay you for that, too?”

Flo (giving Moe a kiss on the cheek which leaves behind a big, red imprint from her lipstick): “Honey Pot, nothing good comes cheap. Remember that. I’ll get some posts written up for ya and get your blog started and then we’ll work on some other stuff you can do to drive traffic to your site.” Ya know, I’ll even guarantee you see an increase in business or you don’t have to pay me!”

Moe smacks his lips as he watches Flo swish her hips while stepping outside into the dark street. The door closes with a ring of the bell at its top and crosses his arms over his big chest as he speaks out loud to himself: “If she wasn’t so good I’da fired her and her grits long ago!”

Flo (as she wraps a clean napkin around her behind to cover up the effects of backing into the hot grill): “So, Moe. You got yerself a doggone, newfangled website, eh? And it ain’t doing anything for you?”

Veronica (in a shrill, girlish voice): “Moe Taylor! You got yourself a website and you didn’t ask Flo to help you out? For Pete’s sake! (pointing a thumb at Flo, who is flipping a burger on the grill and adding a slice of bright orange cheese) And they say I’m dumb!”

Mel (looking sheepish and twisting his big, beefy hands in the creases of his soiled apron) “Gertrude told me I should just look on the internet for the cheapest price to get a website all set up and such.”

Flo (lowering one eyebrow and looking daggers across the counter at her boss): “Moe Taylor! Your girlfriend Gertrude Hanson may be good at some things, but giving you business advice is not one of them!” Flo takes a moment to wipe her perspiring brow with a napkin. Only when she feels the rush of hot air against her behind does she realize she’s grabbed the one tucked into the waistband of her apron to cover her drafty drawers) “Damn! I shudder to think of just what she is good at, Moe, honestly… Anyways, have you ever heard of WYSIWYG?”

Mel: “Hnh? Talk English, Flo, for chrissakes.”

Flo (cracking her bubblegum while tucking the napkin back into the rear panel of her pink polyester uniform): “That means What You See Is What You Get. It’s a term they use for idiot-proof software which creates a website for ya. Anybody can get it, and use it, and then hang their sign up on the internet advertising they’re qualified to make websites. Unfortunately, honey, what they end up with is WYGIWYPF”.

Veronica (popping up from her stool and piping in with her little girlish voice): “Oh I know what that is, Flo! Pick me! Pick me!”

Flo (rolling her eyes at Veronica but pointing at her with one fingernail adorned with chipped red polish): “Alright, you. Veronica. Your answer?”

Veronica (smugly): “What You Get Is What You Pay For!”

Flo: “That’s exactly right, Sweet Pea. Now go attend to your tables. That man at table four looks like he’s going to have a heart attack if’n he don’t get a bottle of ketchup ASAP!” (Flo and Moe watch Veronica scuttle off to talk to the occupants of table four. Flo hits Moe on his bicep with her hamburger spatula). “Now did you hear that, Moe? What you get is what you pay for. Veronica was right. If you weren’t such a skinflint, you’d have done your website up right! Lemme take a look at it and see what you’ve got and I’ll get back to ya.”

Moe: “Flo! Where are ya? I’m needing to have a chat with ya.”

Flo (approaching the counter after taking the corner table’s order): “Coming, coming, Moe. For goodness sake, pipe down. What’s your all-fired hurry?”

Moe (wiping his brow with a rag retrieved from the pocket of his checkered pants, bagging around slim hips beneath a protruding belly): “It’s the business, Flo. I reckon I don’t know where to go from here.”

Flo (using a bleach-infused rag to wipe the countertop of apple pie crumbs as she listened to her boss and his woes): “That new website ain’t doing for you what you expected?” Flo cracks her gum while she listens to Moe’s sheepish reply.

“Naw…Used one of them places plastered all over Yahoo to get me a site on the world wide web set up. Can’t see as how it’s doing me anything for me other than costing a whole passel of dough for a big fat nothin’.”

Flo snaps her wash cloth one last time across the counter top and leans back against the grill.

Mistake.

Flo sniffs the air and catches a whiff of something which reminds her of burning plastic. She quickly feels a searing heat in a horizontal line across her fanny. She yelps and jumps forward, rubbing her bottom as she regards Moe’s amused grin. She finally recognizes the smell – a hot iron hitting polyester uniform material.
“Moe – ” she sputters. “You…you can just kiss my grits!”

“Now hold on just a goldurned minute there, Flo. Wasn’t my fault.” Moe gets up and goes around the counter to assess Flo’s backside. He swats at the lingering embers surrounding two big holes in her pink polyester uniform with one beefy hand.

Flo swatts back, using her open palm against Moe’s cheek. “Moe Bailey, you keep those meat hooks off’n my behind now, you hear?”

Moe backs away sheepishly, taking a last, lingering look at Flo’s bottom and the shapely legs revealed by the short skirt of her waitress uniform. He shakes his head.

Flo adjusts her skirt and pats the bottom of her beehive hairdo with one hand as she asks, “Now, Moe we was talking about your website. How you just put it up there on the web and nothing else has happened. Whadya expect to happen? That people was just going to flock on in here?”

Moe straightens his skull cap and wipes a palm across his brow again. “Well…yeah.”

Flo takes her wash rag and flicks Moe’s beefy forearm with its tip. “Well, duh! ‘Just cuz you build it they will come’? Sheesh, Moe, if it was that easy, everyone on the internet would be rich right now.”